so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
