he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
