I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
