happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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