dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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