As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
