He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
