his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
