College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
