It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
