u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
