thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
