He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
