i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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