No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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