Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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