Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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