He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
