How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
