I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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