Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
third nipple confirmed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
