White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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