i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
