i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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