hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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