ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
