Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
