peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
