i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
