She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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