We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
