you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
