That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
