if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
