he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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