I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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