Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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