I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
