his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
