You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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