my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
