That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Semen is not good for contacts.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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