Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
