I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
