dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
