im having a threesome with these popsicles
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this just has baby written all over it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
