I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
