She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
