Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
