New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
